Life is cyclical you know. I love coming full Circle. It lets me know I’m on the right Path… or something like that.

I started my Path as a Pagan a little over eleven years ago. I was 20 years old, married to my first husband, and we had a one year old daughter. I was green and naïve and desperate to feel connected. I did not feel connected to my husband. He was in the Army. I was a stay-at-home mom. We lived in Augusta, Georgia of all places and I was alone. I was introduced to Wicca through an (not so) old flame on one of my visits back home.  I began my studies in earnest, insanely excited about the possibilities that were opening before me as I read about the ancient and modern practices involved in various Pagan Traditions. I felt like I finally found my Way.

My husband did not agree.

We divorced two years later.

Shortly before my divorce I met my Teacher and began training with my Grove. They were my Family. During my training with the Grove I learned everything I know about Ritual. I went through my Element Walk and I worked through three degrees. I loved them. The Grove was my World.

My first Element Walk lasted four months. I’d always felt like my training was rushed. I struggled with Fire. Air too, but not as much. I’m a Cancer. Crabby Girl loves Water. No problem there. I’m grounded more than most people you’ll ever meet, Earth not a problem.  Air was a little more difficult, but I got it. Fire was difficult for me.  In fact, I didn’t really “get” Fire until well after my 2nd degree. 

I never really had a High Priestess. There was the One who initiated me, but she did not train me and her involvement in my Life was peripheral at best.  She participated in my initiations and left my training to my Teacher. Now… well, now she won’t have anything to do with me because of my 2nd husband.  I’m rambling now… my point is that it was in a Circle with her Coven that I first felt that I actually connected with Fire.

Three years into my training I received my 3rd degree initiation and became High Priestess of my Grove. I received that initiation in the desert of New Mexico. It was mid June. The sun was just starting to set. The sky was an amazing turquoise behind the painful beauty of the red rock cliffs and the wind was blowing hard and straight. The wind is always blowing in the canyon. I watched as my Teacher cast Circle. I was there when he gave me 3rd degree. But I couldn’t hear a word he said. I couldn’t feel him. I was alone with the Wind and the Desert and They were all I could hear. They were all I could feel. I was alone and I felt empty and I was confused. I should have felt connected to my husband. My Teacher. But I did not. I was alone. The Wind was all I could hear. 

Tonight X & I began our Element Walk together. We will spend the next few months working through Air. At the Summer Solstice we will move on to Fire and so on and so forth.  This was our first formal Ritual together. We worked skyclad and made Love as part of the Ritual.

To say it was Awesome is an understatement.

Tonight I felt connected. Tonight, I did not feel alone. I did not feel empty.

 I felt connected.

I’m looking forward to this Working.

Come to think of it, I’m looking forward to the rest of my Life. And I am not afraid, for once. I am not afraid.

It’s kinda funny, that.