May 2008


I have a hard time with transitions.  When things are up in the air and my day-to-day is sent into upheaval I get grumpy. I mean downright irritable. I don’t want to be that way.  I know that my attitude causes more stress for the rest of the family and that’s the last thing I want. So I’m working on it.

I realize that all of the choices of my Past have brought me to this place, to this time, to where I am standing now. And where am I standing now? On the brink of the Future, in a place of Infinite Potential. That potential will be fulfilled by the choices and decisions I make now, just the same as in the Past. I am trying to learn the lesson that one of my mentors pointed out recently; to “find the joy in anxious potential“. I think that, if I can keep in mind that understanding of Infinite Potential and keep striving to find Joy when that potential is anxiety ridden, that I can overcome and be the stronger for it.

Yes, you guessed it, I went to a concert last night.  The SO’s and I tripped down to Hotlanta to see my Lady’s favoritest band ever, Duran Duran. I like them well enough for my part but I admit that her presence in my Life has brought me much more exposure than I ever would have sought out on my own. We saw them in Columbus, Ohio about 3 years ago. At that time I didn’t know much of their music at all and had remarked about feeling like a poser lost in a sea of Duranies. This time I actually knew most of the songs and could sing along a bit. I danced and sang and shouted and had much fun right along with the other 30 to 40-somethings that were there shaking their asses and longing with every bit of their being for a chance to be alone with one or all of the hunky Brits that were on stage. I love live music. Truly I don’t even care what genre, if the band is good and they love what they do I can find some enjoyment out of it. But when they’re great, when they know how to engage the crowd, it’s truly phenomenonal. Last night’s concert certainly was.

We started the evening with dinner at a fairly decent Mexican restaurant with two of our very good friends who live near Atlanta. K introduced us to a new love of his, Mexican Mojito’s! Then we checked into the hotel to rest up a bit and get ready for the concert. My Lady was giddy and nervous and completely beside herself waiting for the time to come for us to go.  She looked stunning and was absolutely glowing.  K and I were tickled to see her so excited but we looked forward to it as well.  We knew from our experience in Columbus that regardless of how you feel about their music, Duran Duran knows how to put on a damn good show. So we prepped and the time finally came for us to make our way to Chastain Park.

We’d never been there before, so we had some awkwardness and uncertainty about where to go but we finally got it figured out, found a parking spot, and, with tickets in hand, made our way to the amphitheatre. When we saw them in Columbus it was inside a large auditorium, we had floor seats in the last row of the house.  Waaaay in the back.  This time my Lady got tickets on pre-sale through the fanclub so we were in the pit, 13th row.  It was the closest seats any of us had ever had for ANY show at such a large venue so we honestly didn’t know what to expect. The entrances to the amphitheatre are at the top and the seating basically goes downhill toward the stage so we began our long decent toward our seats. It seemed the closer we got the tighter my Lady gripped my hand and the bigger her eyes got. When we finally reached our seats she was nearly breathless, and not just from the 200 steps we’d just walked down either, our seats were a stones throw from the stage.  I laughed, “You’re going to be able to see Nick’s sweat from here lovie!” And we could. Sitting that close to the stage was nearly as intimate as having had them play a local bar or club.

We waited patiently for the show to start. The opening band was fantastic and a good warm up but it was clear that the crowd was there for one thing only, their Duran fix. Soon the lights dimmed and the first member poked his head out from backstage. This is what I love about a good concert. The energy level rises to near tsunami proportions and the moment the artist first arrives it is unleashed in a mad wave that crashes toward the stage.  The noise was nearly deafening. I could feel it vibrating inside my ears (which probably is NOT a good thing) and when the wall of excitement hit me my breath escaped me and tears filled my eyes as a huge grin spread slowly across my face. I know why it is so easy for people to get caught up in this lifestyle.

I spent a lot of time watching the people in the crowd around me. Most everyone danced and jumped and sang along, but there were so many that had their faces upturned toward the stage completely enraptured in their adoration and worship of the men that were performing in front of them. I saw women weep and scream uncontrollably. I watched and giggled and played along myself as the band pulled the crowd in and encouraged them to sing and participate in the concert.

They opened with my favorite song from their new album, The Valley.  It didn’t take long for me to dance myself into a sweat. I couldn’t possibly remember all of the songs that they performed, but it was a nice long show. I do remember that they played my favorite of all Duran songs, A View To A Kill.  And they played the first song I’d ever heard by them, Ordinary World. It was then that I sat down, closed my eyes, and sang along with Simon; remembering, for a few minutes, what it was like as a teenager sitting alone in the solitude of my purple bedroom, listening to the radio and writing poetry. *laugh* Later in the concert, I leaned over to kiss K and saw the Moon rising over the top of the stage and again smiled. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the only one there who noticed that Moon beyond the musicians dancing and singing below Her.

It was a nice weekend.  I thoroughly enjoyed the brief get-away but now, I’m afraid, it is time to focus on what is ahead and get on with it. I’m going to focus the majority of my energy now to getting a new job; continuing my Spiritual work; and incorporating time for creative outlets for myself in my routine.

Wanna know where my name came from?

In case you missed it…

“Marianne” ~ Tori Amos

Tuna
Rubber
A little blubber in my igloo
And I knew you pigtails and all
Grils when they fall
And they said Marianne killed herself
And I said not a chance
Don’t you love the girls ladies babes
Old bags who say she was so pretty why
Why why why did she crawl down in the old
Deep ravine

C’mon pigtails girls and all those sailors
Get your bags and hold down won’t you just
Hold down cause Ed is watching my every sound
I said
They’re watching my every sound

The weasel squeaks faster than a seven day week
I said Timmy and that purple Monkey
Are all down
At Bobby’s house
Making themselves pesters and lesters and jesters an dmy
Traitors of kind
And I’m just having thoughts of Marianne
She could outrun the fastest slug
She could
Marianne
Quickest girl in the frying pan

We are gearing up for a road trip to go to Atlanta this weekend.  It’s long over-due, I have to say. I feel somewhat guilty over taking a roadtrip while being unemployed. It seems irresponsible to me somehow when I should be conserving money… but I guess sometimes you have to be a little irresponsible to save yourself some sanity.

Unpacking seems to slowed nearly to a halt.  I think my motivation has run low… though I did make some curtains for the kitchen on Tuesday.  They look nice.

I feel sadly low on brainpower this evening.  It makes for a dull blog post I know. 

My Brother, X, is in the middle of something massive and he is texting enigmatic messages trying to tell me to wait for him to explain later.  Grrr.  I hate waiting when I’m worried.  It stresses me.

Ok… I lost my train of thought.  I’m about halfway through the Joseph Campbell book I’m reading.  I REALLY want to post a blog about that, but it’s going to have to wait a few days I fear. I just don’t have it together yet.

Oh well… goodnight my friends, be excellent to each other.

is refreshing.

From my friend the English professor in Colorado:

“Which is the thing about potentiality, it never goes away. Not while you live and breathe. Not while you walk and dream…  It’s all far from over. Life isn’t just a cycle. It’s like a long run of parallel narratives, stories we keep telling with our days and our actions and our relationships, our diets, our brilliant plans, our mistakes, and even our successes. We never stop trying to live what we will be, what we want to be, nor do we stop living what we were, what we always have been.”

http://olddogpaw.wordpress.com/

I finally sat down and laid out a semester by semester plan for getting my degree. It’s not going to happen as quickly as I’d like. I had hoped to apply to the program come Spring of next year and get started in the Fall but unless I cram three classes into this Summer semester (which we would have to pay for) and another four into this Fall it isn’t going to happen. Given the stress I was under this past semester, I decided not to do that to my family ; )  So, finishing up my pre-requisites by going half time will put me graduating in 2011. Additionally, doing it in that time frame will give me time to pursue a couple of classes just for me, like German and World Religions so I’m kinda looking forward to it actually.

I just finished reading American Shamans, by Jack Montgomery. I recommend it to anyone interested in American folk magic, it’s a fantastic read following a man on his very personal journey from skeptical youth to an adult involved in the practice of Powwow. Now I’m reading The Inner Reaches of Outer Space: Metaphor as Myth and as Religion, by Joseph Campbell which also promises to be an enlightening read. I might have to put it down for a little while though, as I am anticipating another book in the mail that I bought on Ebay, lol. The aforementioned author, Jack Montgomery, was taught by a man named Lee Gandee, who wrote a book called Strange Experience that was published in 1971 and is no longer in print. Amazon.com had copies for sale from $40 – $210 for one in mint condition.  I found a copy on Ebay for $20.  Score! But reading Jack’s book has fueled an interest in me about Powwow and Hexerei, both magical traditions with German roots, so I have a long list of “to obtain and read” books from that. Last night I went to a local used book store with my Lady and got a copy of Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth (which I’d been wanting for a while) and another book called Mary Magdalene: Christianity’s Hidden Goddess by Lynn Picknett that caught my fancy. The story of Mary Magdalene has always been a fringe interest of mine but I’ve never dedicated any time or brainpower to studying about her. Of course, at this rate, I have reading material for the next several years already lined up.

My friend X and I had a discussion a few weeks back about ethics in magic.  We discussed The Golden Rule and The Threefolds Law; two rules on opposite ends of the Spiritual spectrum that are set up as guidelines for our behaviour toward one another. I’ve not been a fan of the Threefolds Law. To me it smacks more of a “hand of God” threat to keep one in line rather than a sound ethical reasoning. He’s not a fan of The Golden Rule (probably because of the Christian connotations more than anything else. Not saying I blame him, I’m just saying). Jokingly, he threw in Bill and Ted’s “Be excellent to each other!”.  I said why not? I think Bill and Ted hit the nail on the head. Just be good to each other and have fun damn it!

So, to each of you I say:

“Be excellent to each other!  And party on dudes!”