This is the blog post I wanted to write last entry when I was whining about being tired. But I was SO tired at that time that I just couldn’t muster the brain power to write anything more than a complaint, lol. However, we’re moved into the new place now, and I’m not quite as tired so here goes.
My SO, K and I were discussing the concept of pre-destination a couple of weeks back. It’s a concept I’ve struggled with often since I have been old enough to contemplate such things. I’m fairly concrete (well, as concrete as I get in beliefs anyway) in my belief that the things in my Life happen for a reason and that the people I meet come into my Life for a specific reason and purpose. I do not hold much stock in coincidence. And I am (and have been often in my past) comforted and strengthened by the thought that I am a part of a bigger picture, a bigger plan. That there is some Divine purpose for the shit that I go through. (and perhaps I’m just deluding myself, but bear with me here.) But on the other hand, I’ve always had issue with the idea that free Will is an illusion. That nothing I do really matters when it comes down to it because I’m not really making a choice; I’m just a marionette puppet moving along according to the design of some Divine puppeteer. (It sounds horrible when I put it that way, doesn’t it?!) The conversation was spurred by an email I’d received from one of my Aunts begging me to come back to Jesus and leave the “cult” that I am in because it will lead me “straight into the bowels of hell”. Now, I’m particularly fond of this one Aunt and the email bothered me. She told me that going to hell is not in Christ’s plan for me. Now, my first question would be “How does she know what is in Christ’s plan for me?”. I have always held that a persons relationship with God is personal. It can not and should not be assessed, judged, or otherwise scrutinized by any one but yourself. Then I thought, “Well if Christ’s plan is for me to go to Heaven, then I have nothing to worry about because it will happen. And if Christ’s plan is for me to go to Hell, then I might as well live it up now ’cause I’m going there!” It’s laughable really, but that’s what it came down to. So, K and I discussed the idea of pre-destination once again (it’s actually been several years since we’d talked about it so we both had some new ideas and a new perspective on it). He compared Life and The Divine Plan to a written book. His point was that knowing that the book is already written does not make it less enjoyable, or exciting, or thrilling when you’re reading it. So the author has already written it, so some others have already made it to the end, so what?! You are still spurred on to the next page, the next chapter, eagerly reading to the very end when you stop and reflect on the story.
This concept was so profound to me that it brought tears to my eyes.
The next day my dear friend X and I were discussing the same topic, only we took it a step further. At the risk of sounding like Forrest Gump, I’m going to say that I think it’s a little bit of both. What if, we speculated, what if Life is like one of those Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books? You know, the ones that have a set beginning and a set ending but about fifty different ways to get from A to Z. What if the Life you come into, who your parents are, where you are born, what you look like, are all set. And when you die, how you die, and what you accomplish before the End, are all set. But you have choices as to how you get there. Do I open the treasure chest to see what’s inside or do I turn around to leave the cave and go back to the castle? In the end, the Pirates are still coming back for the damn chest and I still have to fight them but I can find out on the front in what the booty is, maybe even live high on the hog for a while before the inevitable battle! Ha! I crack myself up sometimes. But these are the things that I ponder when thoughts of the Universe creep into my mind. We all struggle to know the unknown, to define the undefined, at some point in our Lives. This blog is about what works for me.
