Quickest Girl in the Frying Pan's Weblog

My attorney called today.  They have the paperwork ready.  I’m to go to their office tomorrow to sign it.  It’ll be filed and he’ll be served at some point later this week or the first of next.  This makes me very anxious.  I worked a little bit of a candle spell tonight to help things along… bright yellow, sunshine and daisies, right?  Speed of light I’m thinking… no hidden agendas… smooth and fast.  Just like Marianne.

EDIT:  Damn.  That candle burned fast and completely.  Not even a wick left.  This is a good sign.

Well, better put, I mostly listen to songs with lyrics that inspire me.  Tori, for example:

Yello bird flying
Get shot in the wing
good year for hunter
And Christmas parties
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and I hate
Elevator music
The way we fight
The way I’m left here silent

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn’t take much to rip us into pieces

We danced in graveyards
With vampires till dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings Never afraid to burn
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and i hate
Disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn’t take much to rip us into pieces

I can’t reach you
I can’t reach you
Give me life Give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn’t take much to rip us into pieces

I found myself an attorney today.  As X put it, time to put a square knot in that loose end.

Some of those closest to me have already heard this story… some have not.  This is for those who have not.

There have been very few times in my Life where I have heard the voice of the Divine as an audible voice. I can count them on one hand. Two of those moments came to me when I was so afraid I couldn’t think about anything else. I still deal with Fear on a regular basis. It guides me… makes me cautious… makes me pause… and, from time to time, makes me stop all together.  But then I remember..  I was in the death throes of my 1st marriage and in the middle of the worst panic attack I’d ever had before or since.  I was curled into the fetal position in a corner of my house, all alone, crying, barely able to breathe or think, my heart careening against my ribs. I found myself repeating an invocation chant I’d written for my Patron Goddess over and over and over again.  I have no idea how many times I said it nor how long I lay there in the corner.  Time had no meaning and I was lost.  Suddenly I heard Her voice say “(my name), I am here.  I have always been here.  Now, what do you want me to do?”.  The panic stopped and just as suddenly as someone flipping on a light switch my mind was clear and I was absolutely dumb-struck.  What did I want Her to do?  I had no idea!  How stupid of me!  Here I had the complete attention of my Goddess and had nothing to say. I gathered myself together and began a long period of introspection and meditation.  I decided what I want and I have pursued it ever since.

Having Fear does not make us foolish.  Allowing Fear to hinder us, to paralyze us, to change us… that is the wrong Path.  The Fool does not know fear.  He stands with his foot above a precipice, his gaze fixed somewhere else, his mind beyond what is right in front of him.  Were he aware, were he to feel Fear of the fall he would no doubt alter his course.

Keep your eyes on the road ahead.  Allow yourself to feel the Fear.  Adjust your course as needed.  Then let it go.