I have wondered, from time to time, what it would be like to live a Life a bit more… mainstream. It seems I’ve been bucking the “norm” as long as I can remember. All of the “big” things, you know, sexual orientation, religion, politics, the way I dress and the way I talk… even my hair color. I’ve never balked at expressing myself and I’m not one to pretend to be something I’m not… but sometimes, sometimes I think there might be something to laying low, not rocking the boat, not going against the grain. I even said as much to my best friend today, “It just might pay to be one of the sheep.” I said to her. It would be more quiet. I’m not a fan of drama. I just want to be me. I don’t want to have to make exceptions for the things that are important to me. I don’t want to pay lip service to a religion that I can’t throw my whole Heart and Soul into. I don’t want to feign happiness in a relationship that I find unfulfilling. I don’t want to censor my personal style to avoid disapproving looks. Why does happiness have to take so long to find? And why do you have to go through so much bullshit along the way? Break a few eggs to make a cake, break a few hearts to find yourself… it’s all the same and it’s all a big mess… but in the end, you have cake, and you can revel in the knowledge that you did it yourself… maybe with a little help along the way.
But maybe there is something in between… I’ve often been told “You gotta pick your battles child.” Gotta find a way to to make your way without taking on the World.
i am
lying here in darkness
i am.
what i am is irrelevant
just that i am.
i am free from the world.
i am free from my body.
a soul, weightless,
free.
but what i am doesn’t matter.
i am dark
and i am free.
for just a little while
i am.
