When the ghosts of the past just won’t leave you alone…
We roll along from day to day not thinking about the people from our past, people that we loved and left long ago… I wonder, sometimes, where does my responsibility to those people end? Even more to the point, when you marry and divorce can that connection ever truly be broken?
The line between Love and Hate seems long, wide and often hazy when going through divorce or separation. You look back, try hard to remember, to maybe pinpoint a moment, a day, an incident where the switch was flipped… but it’s damn near impossible to say. You can remember the times when you loved him and you can recall the times that you hated him but the in-between is convoluted and difficult to nail down. I don’t know for sure why Love changes… why people change… but I do know that the heart is a funny creature. I do know that things are much more difficult in the long run if you leave things unfinished, words unsaid, and don’t tie up loose ends. And I think when it is all said a done, a broken heart never completely heals. We can find peace and happiness, yes; but those old wounds are still there no matter how deep we bury them.
December 12, 2007 at 6:17 pm
I have to agree with you…….wounds are there no matter how deep you bury them and move on even. It is those wounds that make us who we are and who we become. What can be said is that time changes things, people, and situations. Sometimes it is those ghosts that help us move from the past to the future.
Love the look of this journal…very lovely.
HUGS!
December 14, 2007 at 4:12 am
Yeah, Jean’s right.
The wounds never ever go away. That’s why some people (**raises hand**) never get over high school. It’s too deep, it takes too long to scab over. In some cases, it never does.
I’ve been divorced for almost three years now. Why do I still slip sometimes and call her “honey?” Isn’t that strange? Of all the names available to me in “the book” that I could potentially call her, why is it sometimes a term of endearment?
See, she’s never going to go away. Even though there are times when I desperately want her to. Hell, I don’t think she’s ever going to die, for that matter. And talk about wounds! Most of my really deep wounds? She signed and dated them, like an oil painting.
They don’t go away. They don’t heal. They are always going to be there.
I make peace with them as well as I can. I try not to rub salt on them. Some days, I walk sort of funny so I don’t pull the staples out. Again. I respect them. Believe me, they still let me know they are there.
But I’ve managed not to let them cripple me.
I love the walking wounded. Those are my people. The ones who quit walking I can’t help. I can’t be there for them.
I notice you walking around quite a bit.
Good job.
December 15, 2007 at 7:56 am
You’re right, no matter how hard you try… some things just won’t go away. I’ve never been through a real divorce. Came really close a few times… split up for a month the last time. During that time, I had some really wierd shit happen and it’s affected me for the rest of my life, regardless of how hard I’ve tried to store it away. Seems just when you think things are over and everything is back to ‘normal’ is when they come sneaking back up on you like they’ve been secretly planning some reunion behind your back. While I obviously don’t know all of what you’ve been through, you have told me a few things… things alot of people who call themselves ’strong’ wouldn’t have been able to get through. I envy you for your self-confidence and resiliency… among other things.
December 15, 2007 at 4:15 pm
You know, we have talked about it before… I still get just as angry when I talk about number 2. It’s weird to think about it. I get angry and resentful and hurt from the things he did….And there was a lot. I still carry it around. But although the wounds don’t heal, I am stronger for them. AND I have learned from them…. You have, too, my sister….
June 21, 2008 at 5:04 am
You’re right, the last sentence.
But just remember that true love can never flip-flop into hate. If you love someone truly, nothing should stand in the way.
That’s what we have to believe in, anyway.
Best wishes.
June 22, 2008 at 12:14 am
Thanks for your comment, but I disagree. I think that “Love” in all of its forms is “true” but that people change. Our opinions, our ideas, our priorities change. Sometimes from one day to the next, sometimes gradually over years. I think that the romantic notion of “True Love” is a false fairy tale notion that sets people up to fail at relationships. It presents a facade of perfection that is impossible in Life in general, much less in relationships.
June 22, 2008 at 3:33 am
Our definitions of “true love” are all different. However I believe that true love doesn’t mean absolute perfection. Nothing is perfect, but things can be perceived to be perfect – for example couples who still deeply love and care about each other til’ 80 can be said to be an almost perfect relationship.
People do change, but it’s how we treat each other that makes near-perfect-happiness possible :]
June 22, 2008 at 4:14 am
Well, now it seems to me that you are contradicting yourself. So please clarify, what is your definition of “True Love” then? If you believe that when Love is “true” that “nothing should stand in its way” and that it can “never flip-flop into hate” then I am interested to know what makes Love “true” versus false in your opinion.